Wednesday, March 26, 2014

She Is Three

She is 3 and if she wants to blow bubbles in her drink, you better believe that's what she'll do.
If you try and prevent her, from achieving these bubbles, she will have her vengeance.
She is 3 and taking her to a pub, with your mother in law, for a relaxing drink....is foolish.
You can ask her politely to 'please stop blowing bubbles with your straw, darling.'
She will look you in the eyes and tell you - No.
You can remove the straw, which will ensure all other diners having a 'relaxing' drink at the pub are informed as to this travesty. You then give her the straw back, under strict instruction there is to be no more bubbles blown.
She starts blowing bubbles, again, louder this time.
'Darling - what did we just talk about? Aren't you going to drink like a Big Girl?'
No.
I like blowing bubbles.
'Nobody here likes it darling. Daddy doesn't, Granny doesn't, Mum really doesn't and I'd like you to stop or I will have to take your drink away.'
No.
I like to consider myself a person of considerable strength of will and it prides me that my daughter has inherited similar tendencies. So you understand, I had to take the drink away.
You will of course know, that this resulted, in some distress.
She cries. Repeatedly shouts, MY DRINK, MY DRINK. GIVE ME MY DRINK BACK. Repeatedly.
We grownups try to continue our relaxing drink. It's not really that relaxing. People are staring.
She climbs atop the table, screeching now, a desperate individual. Her Dad reaches out to get her from one side, I come in from the other and we have her arms....but not her legs.

Granny's glass of reisling gets kicked to the ground. It explodes on impact, soaking Grannys lovely shoes and scattering glass all around us. We are in a warzone and it is time to evacuate.
Eyes in front, screaming child over the shoulder, quick apology to staff member who currently despises me and my gorgeous family, back to the car.
She recovers, refuses to discuss the incident (never mind an apology) and Mum drinks a bottle of wine easily that evening. No problem.
I've never been loved more by anyone than this daughter of mine. Actually nobody has ever even liked me this this much. She is amazing. Just probably good to know for future reference that if she wants to blow bubbles, let her blow them. She is after all, only 3.