For the past 6 weeks I have sought comfort in food, alcohol & occassionally running. I've become caught in this cycle of feeling down, eating crap, feeling crap, eating badly, feeling badly and on it goes.
Drinking most nights has not helped things, that stuff really is depressing! I've run sporadically, without any sense of purpose, or determination, not often enough. Let's be honest, I've got fat, sluggish and miserable.
A week ago I downloaded some guided meditations onto my Iphone, including 'Shape Up and Get Fit' and 'IMotivated!'. I have listened to a half hour session almost every day since...and fallen asleep everytime, but despite this, it's working. I haven't had a drink in nearly a week, or chocolate, cake, custard, chips...shall I go on? I've also had a bout of mild gastro - but I'm inclined to believe this was my mind & body working as one to detox me from all that rubbish I'd been swallowing down.
Next step in getting myself back to myself is do to something that challenges me and requires commitment. I've enrolled in a 12 week Healthy Diet, Fitness, Mind program that a local gym is running. What's really confronting about this, other than all of it, is that the facilitator is a very good friend of mine I have known since I was a child. She looks after my daughter for me when I work and we are very good friends. And now I have to get on the scales in front of her, have my body parts measured by her & remain accountable to myself and her for at least the next 12 weeks - if not forever because we are such good friends! I'm a small part terrified....but mostly, dare I say it, so excited to be starting this new journey and having her support me through it.
Most of all though, I'm excited to feel good about myself again. To feel healthy in my head and my body. To not look 4 months pregnant anymore. To be a role model to my children, but particularly my daughter. To have my partner look at me with a renewed energy, to be proud of myself. Not to mention looking fantastic for my step brothers wedding in, that's right, 13 weeks. Perfect.