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Wednesday, February 22, 2017

What Madness?

In 21 days I will be arriving in Kathmandu, for the beginning of a 14 day tour of Nepal.
My friend Kelly and I will be going to the jungle, climbing mountains, paragliding, zip lining and flying in a small plane around Mt Everest. Eating strange spicy food, being cold, walking (a lot) and meeting Nepalese people.
I mean, it's ridiculous to even write this. I cannot fathom that it is really happening.
A friend asked me if I was excited today. I said I was, sometimes, but currently I was feeling a strange terror. She asked why and I said straight back - Well, I'm a little bit afraid I'll die, but I'm also expecting to be so far out of my comfort zone that I could seriously go into shock.
I've spent the last eleven years being a Mum, a partner, going on holidays to mostly the same places  to visit family. What madness to leave my children and go on some adventure holiday with my friend (who I'm not even sure I can fart - let alone poo around) to a poverty stricken yet magnificent country? What madness? I could die. Do not even get me started on the roads, small planes, hiking, potential listeria concerns that I have.
The Doctor actually recommended I get a RABIES vaccination. Along with Typhoid, Hepatitis A & B. Good lord. I'll gladly vaccinate my children but that's far too many needles for a grown woman who can conscientiously object to them.
I'm afraid I'll shit my pants, or worse erupt from both ends in some disgusting little drop hole toilet. I'm scared I won't be able to shower to clean myself up. I'm scared I'll be too cold, too tired, too hungry.  
I'm scared my kids will need me and I won't be there. I'm scared they will learn to cope without me and I'll be less important when I get back. I'm scared I'll be so out of my depth all my confidence will disappear and I'll be a shadow of who I think I am.
Okay, I think I got it all out. I'm still finalising funeral songs for myself, but relishing in the comfort of keeping such low expectations. I know it's going to be amazing. I know going out of my comfort zone is magnificent, rewarding and it will grow me into a better human. But I'm still a bit scared.
I aim to write it all, from the terror to joy, embarrassment to fantastical and I hope I can share it all here. Whatever happens - what a privilege is it to live it.

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