Tuesday, March 22, 2011


It's 5.30 on a Wednesday morning and my daughter can't sleep. So here we are. Her on the floor playing with a container of pins (it's too early for me to care) that make a great noise and me slumped over the computer desk trying to feel positive.
Theres not much to love at this time of the day. Sorry kid.
The worst of it is it's my own fault. My daughter sleeps well and is quite a pleasant baby so long as I stick to several golden rules.
No dairy. Milk & cheese have been easy to kick - it's chocolate that I can't let go of. My old friend. I went for 4 weeks completely dairy free and what a month it was - lighter, happier, healthy....Then somehow the chocolate has found it's way into my shopping trolley and I'm back on the gear, finding comfort in a brown bar. Meanwhile my daughter becomes more & more irritable, can't drop off to sleep, wants to be held all day. Screams like a newborn when she's not. Torturous. My own fault.
Then I give up the chocolate and think it's only fair I have a beer or 2 in the evening, just to take the edge off if you like. Turns out this is as effective as chocolate and we are back to her wanting much more of me than I can give.
So back to square one. Dietary control. Exercise. All that business of health. Maintaining positive thoughts, fighting back the negative ones that want to take control. It's just that its gonna be a long day today, I know it, and I can't even 'reward' myself with chocolate or beer! Looks like its a beach walk & a healthy dinner and perhaps even a few daytime kips.

Saturday, March 19, 2011


At 3.30 this afternoon I found myself at a Tupperware party, surrounded by containers, mothers, many types of cheese and inquisitive daughter at my breast. I wore my new Bali dress, strapless and bright purple, pretty coloured beads around my neck, feeling fresh and vibrant. For the first 15 minutes we were there it was boob out, while daughter fills up. She drinks for a bit, then up she comes and takes a breath. Scans the crowd, exposing my erect milk nipple and eventually leading me to kind of clasp my free hand around and over my breast, essentially groping myself in public. I just try and continue to act normally and listen to the lady explain how to cook chicken curry in 18 minutes in the microwave.
I left without buying anything, resisted the cheeses but with a new found respect for the art of microwave cooking - that curry was tasty. I did however partake in a cup of breshly brewed black coffee, hence the sort of late night blogging.
Finished the day with a picnic at a park next to a beach, with friends and children in tow. The kids had a wonderful time playing, telling us stuff, eating sausages and running on the balmy Darwin beach.
Whilst my baby girl sat up so cleverly on her bum, delighted that she is seeing the world right way up finally. Two funny little teeth sprouting out her bottom gum, a wonderful smile and a temper that is all bark, no bite. I think. She has slept through 2 nights in a row and I'm not sure I've ever loved her this much.