Friday, June 28, 2013

I've got a good feelings

I've had several good feelings this past week...
My Mother In Law has been staying with us looking after Leo during the school holidays and she has been magnificent. I trust her, admire her, enjoy her and love that she and Leo get to have this time together.
Alas she is leaving tomorrow and heaven forbid I am back in charge of my 2 children for 5 days straight. Aside from feeling quite sad that I won't see my refugee boys for an entire 9 days (2 weekends + 1 week) I'm slightly nervous at the prospect of entire days with me vs kids. Best case scenario we enjoy relaxing fun days together....worst case we have more of the sameness from this past week - a 2 year old with slightly demonic phases that only appear when Mother is around.
I'm confident that I am a good parent. I'm certain that I love both my children and would willingly give up my own life for either of them, should the need arise. However, lately, Ms 2 almost 3 has been throwing such rage filled tantrums, involving headbutts, scratching, biting and screaming (oh the screaming), ONLY when I am around, that my sense of I am complete woman/domestic goddess/earth mother has evaporated. Instead I feel a mixture of embarrassment, helplessness and oh fuck I could seriously throw you off the balcony.
Fortunately I did see the Dalai Lama IN THE FLESH last week and he reminded me that compassion, forgiveness and mindfulness are Uber Important. The best weapon I have when she is throwing a mental (oh, excuse me for not being P.C.... but seriously, it's fucking mental) is to imagine the Lama is in the room. This is particularly useful in increasing my mindfullness skills and NOT throwing her off the balcony.
So surely a week with both my children will be TERRIFIC and if not at least I will get to practise and increase my skills in compassion, forgiveness and what...oh that's right, mindfullness.
In other news, I was slightly concerned that my expensive Berlei bra was allowing my nipples to shine bright like a diamond through my work shirts. Working with teenage boys, you can imagine this was a little unsettling, for all of us. Damn you Darwin, your humidity and your hard working air conditioning units. So I bought 3 new bras in different colours for $10 each from Cotton On. Great shop. Thick Bra material. Monster push up. So now I no longer have nipple issues, but it does feel as though my boobs are now located under my chin. The boys seem happy, and as always pleased to see me, so either we are all relieved I'm no longer headlighting them or my Mrs Robinson look is working a treat. Like I said, it's a good feeling.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

The Right Stuff

Several times this past few weeks I have managed to 'get it right'.
This is a written record so it can never be forgotten.
Hubby went crabbing on Sunday. This meant I was at home with a clingy 2 year old, an 'I don't know' 7 year old, and an extraordinarily untidy house.
I got a load of washing on and played 'toys' for over an hour before my temperature started to rise. I mean seriously, as if I ever get to go crabbing.
For the record I never wish to go crabbing, I was just having a low moment.
Ideally I could have plonked the kids in front of a dvd for 90 minutes and cleaned that damn house.

Sadly, my children are going through a 'I hate what he/she wants to watch and there will be no peace in our home if he/she continues to watch it' with one another, so dvd's are not the old friend they once were.
This is what I did. Cut up some cheese and veggie sticks. Mixed up some olives, threw together some ham & butter sandwiches, minus the crusts, packed it all up in the one Tupperware container I've ever really liked, put our camping chairs in the boot and drove 5 minutes down the road to our local park.
We bought poppas and chips to share from the corner store and wait for it, wait for it....
We sat at the park for near on 2 hours, playing, chatting, sitting. The weather was glorious, the park was quietly busy and I felt like possibly the greatest Mother ever.
Yes the house is still in something of a state. However the washing keeps getting done and again, I'll take that as a win. It could be worse.
My work life continues to throw both challenges and great moments of joy at me. In one day I have had the pleasure of introducing 3 teenage boys from 3 different countries to the magic that is The Goonies. Wonderful to hear them laugh at the same scenes that still make me laugh. At the same time I am struggling to deal with a young man's desperate plea for answers - how much longer will I be here? When can I live in the community? Why can't anybody give me an answer?It was frustrating, humbling and unsettling. I left work that day and came home to that clingy 2 year old, who I snuggled and cuddled and spooned the heck out of. I have never been so grateful, or so full of love for this noisy little demanding creature who is my Maggie.
That would have been my conclusion to this ode to patting myself on the back, however my technological prowess has reminded me that even on our best days, we can still fall flat. I really, really like the above song by Florence & The Machine and have in fact been wearing out the soundtrack to The Great Gatsby, both in my car & at home. The version I have so smugly selected for this blog, however, is terrible. Unfortunately, it is beyond my skills and powers to remove the fucking thing from this post, so we are all stuck with it. My apologies.
Yes I've posted it twice. Concluded.