Wednesday, January 30, 2013


No not Amen. Ahem, like I'm sheepishly clearing my throat.
I have completed my 4 day Greatness In You Seminar. There are many things I could say, many stories I could tell. But I won't. All I can say is this.
There is Greatness In Me.
Quite alot actually.
I've managed to free myself of rather alot of "emotional baggage" in these past few days.
It turns out it was all in my head.
Who knew?!
So this post finds me smiling, calm and ready.
Ready for..... whatever.
My main concern now is what on earth will I blog if I don't have all that self pity and angst to fall back on?!
I reckon I'll think of something ;)

Thursday, January 24, 2013

The Evening Of

Tomorrow I go on my first holiday by myself in 5 years. I'm almost overjoyed at the prospect of boarding a plane....without any children.
All I need is a book and some earphones.
Where I am going is another story. Off to find the Greatness In Me, 4 days of seminar spent...
Peeling my layers off like an onion?
Discovering My True Self, my True Potential?
Releasing my inner demons?

I don't know what it involves, but I'm hoping the end result is what I'm looking for. I'm hoping it makes me a better mother, a better wife. That I learn to trust myself and my decisions, that I become my own best friend rather than my bloody worst enemy. That my somewhat cloudy vision is cleared.
Tonight, the eve of, I find myself feeling various shades of anxious.
I'm concerned those demons might be real, and if I confront them, release them, they might be too strong & will eat me up.
Can I just add here we have been playing a few fantasy xbox games in our house and that imagining could be related ;)
I'm worried I won't like who I discover under those layers.
I never use the onion core when cooking, never.
What if my issues, my problems, my dramas are nothing? What if I have wasted all this time worrying on them when they were actually NOTHING?
I have a feeling this could be true, and it might be a good thing. We shall have to find out.
I'm also concerned my family, who on the one hand I am so pleased get to live without me for a few days, will actually enjoy the experience. What if things go wonderfully while I'm away?
The answer to that should be 'fantastic'! Which it sort of is, but it's also sort of WHAT!?
What if the problem is me?

So I'm terrifically excited, terrified, anxious and happy, all in the one.
I will ache for my children, those 5 mornings I'm away from them, but I will also walk each day at 7.30am barefoot on the beach and I will relish every step of it.
See you on the other side...

Monday, January 21, 2013

10 out of 10

We have now loved each other for 10 years.
A decade of laughter and joy, happiness and fun, some sadness, loss, change.
Still the beginning of what is to be a long and loving friendship, connection, romance.
He can still make my tummy flip over. He always makes me laugh. He looks much the same as he always has, with perhaps a few extra grey hairs and slightly (only slightly) a little more tummy.
He is serious, yet silly, strong but vulnerable and he is smart and wise and wonderful.
I am so lucky to have found him. So lucky to have him love me, and for me to love him right back.
He is a kind and patient father, cheeky, warm, understanding. Our kids are so lucky.
He is my best friend, my lover, my ally. We have created in each other a partnership, with our children a family. It's more than I ever dreamt of.
I love his hair, his eyes, his smile. I love to make him laugh, to watch him with his kids, I love his work voice, his strength, his know how. I love him! It makes me smile to write this.
So here is to the next 10 years. And the next. And the next. And so on.
Happy Anniversary JK x