This morning it was much the same, an excited wait to get in the car for preschool involving much chatter about the things they will do, upon exit of the car the sullen face & concerned eyes. Not a word to be said. However when I picked him up this afternoon his teacher made a point of coming over & asking me was this really my child I'd left here as all day long he had been chatting and playing and smiling(!?!) and even singing this afternoon! What progress! I'm bursting with pride as though she's just told me he's the best child she's ever had the pleasure of teaching in all her 40 years experience. Which possibly he is but I'll keep that a secret between just her and I.
When I was at preschool I remember feeling shy but kind of sucking it up and just getting on with it. I'm coming to see my son is very different to me (huh? really?) in that he bides his time, doesn't be/say/do anything he doesn't feel comfortable with and is just cautious by nature. And I almost envy him for it because I can think of countless times I've just gone along with things so not to rock the boat, that I've tried to be someone I'm not to fit in, that fitting in was so very important to me (and possibly still is?)...and it takes a 3 year old who I would adore regardless to show me what it is to be comfortable & perhaps confident in your own skin.
From the moment I met my son I knew I loved him more than anything and that I was the best person to be his Mum, since then there have been many times I've questioned that, wandering when somebody was going to see straight through me and realise I had no idea what I was doing & my expectations of my child were huge and at the same time so simple. Be happy. Love. Learn. Teach. And thats what he does.