Friday, September 7, 2012

Day 13

Just a quick update on the 12 Week Endevour. Actually that would make a great name for it! It doesn't seem to have an actual name, just an annoying computer program you have to labour over every evening entering details of the food & drink you consumed that day and a weekly meeting where our spritely leaders talk us through 'emotional eating' and 'unhelpful thinking' and then joyfully weigh us in the hope that there is a little bit less of us.
Labour intensive as it is, I've found entering the details of my daily dietary intake into the program to be both interesting and positive. It turns out I have been overeating for much of my life!? When I told my younger brother this he dryly replied with a 'Really? Your really just figuring this out?', not in a mean way but in a 'What the fuck else did you think was going on? Thyroid? Heavy genes?'
So here is the plain truth. My name is Clare and I'm an overeater. I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I'm bored, busy, just in case and when I see the clock hands hit a particular time. I hate to be hungry, it panics me, worries me, makes me feel....empty.
It would appear that I've been attempting to fill that emptiness, that hole, that void, over the years with 1) Food, 2) Alcohol and 3) Smoke. Since I quit smoking in January I have gained close to 8 kilo, this is despite training for and running the 12.7km City to Surf in June. Committed.
So I'm realising all this because this past 13 days so often I have felt the urge to eat...but instead of indulging that urge I stop and have a think about my hunger. Turns out I'm hungry for a lot of things not just food. I'm hungry for a maid, who could do the cleaning that needs to be done around the home that I delay doing by....stopping for something to eat. I'm hungry for a nanny, to assist me in the raising of 2 wonderful children who I too often bribe, distract or shut up with food. I'm hungry for love and acknowledgement, from myself, from my family, that I reward myself with food for that quick fix.
Holy dooley talk about breakthroughs. The first week was difficult, I felt hungry (duh), uncomfortable and frustrated. This past week has been better, more energy, more awareness and....
I weighed in last night at the end of a long day and I had lost 1.4 kilo in 12 days. I am loving myself sick. This is exactly what I was hoping for. Got a new goal in my sights and it's totally achievable...Go Team Biz!