Since my eldest child has turned 8 we have hit a new learning curve.
He asks questions about everything. He talks incessantly about footy. He stays up later, uses his manners particularly well.
He and I have watched the first four Harry Potter films and are reading the Philosophers Stone together at night. That is awesome.
Recently he announced at the dinner table that his friend Brad (not his real name) had been watching youtube on his Dad's computer and he saw a video of 2 girls licking a guys doodle (I'm quoting here). There was an awkward pause then Josh hurriedly got up to clear the table and I managed to squeak - Oh. Goodness. That's a bit gross. He agreed with me and no more was said (until later that night when I nearly wet my pants laughing).
So when he innocently asked me in the kitchen recently 'Mum - how do babies get in Mum's tummies?' - I thought, yep, let's do this.
I looked at him carefully and asked 'Are you sure you want to know?'
He replied 'Um...Yes....'
This is what I said
"So a man puts his penis inside the ladies vagina, some stuff called sperm comes out of the penis and meets up with a teeny tiny egg from the woman. Together that makes a little baby, that takes 9 months to grow & then comes out the Mums vagina as a lovely baby."
I used to hate using the 'correct' terms for our 'rudeparts' but I must admit I'm growing quite fond of saying things to my children such as 'No vaginas without knickers at the table please' and 'No fiddling with penises in front of Mums thank you'. So much more effective than 'willy' or 'fanny' (yuck!).
He looks appalled.
I say "So what do you reckon?' and he says "That is the most disgusting thing ever."
I snort laugh but I am pretty pleased with myself - no awkwardness, just basic and accurate information retelling.
"you might change your mind about that one day" I say
"Yuck Mum! No Way!" he says
I can't help myself. "Well how do you reckon you were made then pal?"
He looks disgusted. Shakes his head and walks away. I wonder whether I should follow up with him, ask him if he has any questions.
5 minutes later he is back in the kitchen. 'I'm hungry' he says. 'Mum did you know West Coast Eagles won their first premiership in 1992?'
And we are all a little bit wiser, but still footy mad.